We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
