i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
