Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am one with the molecules
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
