i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
