dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
