i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
