i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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