NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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