Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
