the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
