You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
