An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
