we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I pour the whiskey from now on
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
