I should be sponsored by Trojan
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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