That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
