He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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