just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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