All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
