This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
