Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
