He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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