All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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