Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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