After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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