Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
