ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
