I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
