had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
