I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
