You really coming over, don't trick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize