at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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