Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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