I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
