somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
