i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
