I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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