the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
