Will you blow on my dice?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
