Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
