I think I won the penis lottery.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize