Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
