hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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