Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
