He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
