my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
