I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wish there were birth control emojis
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
