My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
