So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
