I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
