I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
