Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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