In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
