Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We left the knife in your bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
