Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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