put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
