so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
