babies were throwing up all over the place
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
