DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
not ubering you a puppy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
