I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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