Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
