Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
