i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
