i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
