Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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