its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
