I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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