Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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