Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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