Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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