I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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