Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
