I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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