you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize