Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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