I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this beer tastes like vomit already
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
