I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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