her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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