you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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