Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
