My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
